Freedom and Happiness

[Exercise: What was the happiest time in your life?]

Something shifted in me the day my mother told me that she doesn’t believe in happiness, only happy moments. I remember feeling a deep sadness at the time. I don’t know if it was because she didn’t believe in something I was certain existed or if deep down I knew she was right.

But the truth is, happiness is a complex topic. Sure, I could talk about when I met and later married Jeffrey. Or the day I found out I was accepted into grad school. Or when I’m with my friends and family and we’re laughing and having a good time. But, like my mother said, those are just happy moments. Kind of like the time someone gave me a pet rabbit. I was so happy! I carried this little rabbit like it was my child. I yanked on its ears. I chased it around the house. I remember feeling true happiness, or contentment, until the darn thing bit me one day while I was sleeping. Fucking rabbit.

But in all seriousness, I think my happiest time is now. It’s now because I’m living the life I have chosen. I’m not being tortured or held against my will. I’m truly free. I can be or do anything. They tell you this when you’re young, but I’m finally at a place in my life where I know that it’s true, and this makes me feel happy, very happy.