[Exercise: Write about what you regret.]
I don’t believe in regrets. I live the life that I want, not the life that others think I should live. I do what I feel like doing, not what I think I should do. This doesn’t mean that I have whatever I want whenever I want it, or that I don’t make mistakes, because I do. I’m not perfect. Sometimes I make choices that lead to difficult consequences—some painful—but I always try to reflect and to make different choices going forward.
I once tested a friend’s loyalty by doing something hurtful. My actions were unconscious at the time, but upon deeper reflection I understood that I was coming from a place of fear: fear of being accepted for who I truly was. I apologized, not because I regretted my choices, but because I wanted her to know that I valued our friendship.
I used to apologize to my husband after we had an argument, or after I acted like a shit. He’d always say, “Why are you sorry?” It was a good question because all I wanted was to reflect upon my actions with curiosity, without having to feel guilty. We tend to be so hard on ourselves so his “permission” to not have to apologize felt refreshing.
I believe in free will. Karma. Fate. I know it’s a bit of a contradiction to believe in karma and fate, while at the same time believing in free will, but I think they work together nicely. It’s as if everything in my life has been set in motion, influenced by my past and previous choices, and as I walk along the path, I am free to choose how to act, how to respond, and how to know and become my true self.