Passions & Obsessions
[Exercises: What do you think your passions are? What are your obsessions? What’s the difference between a passion and an obsession? Would you rather have an obsession or a passion?]
I am passionate about everything in my life. Even when I’m sitting still and appear to be cool, calm, collected, inside I feel FIRE, LONGING, PASSION. I’m waiting for something to emerge from the deepest part of my being, from your being, from the world outside. I’m unable to sit still for long and sometimes move just to invoke a re-action. As a child, I was diagnosed with ADD. My ever-so-wise mother refused to feed me their medication, thank goodness, lest they succeed at extinguishing my fire or turning me into a conformist they can control, like so many others. My passion fuels me and charges my relationships. When I love, I love with an intensity that borders on obsession. Those I let into my innermost chambers know this about me and have felt the heat, sometimes the burn, of my love.
My primary obsession is with myself: my psycho-spiritual journey; my words; my thoughts; my feelings; my actions; my impact on others. My secondary obsession is these things applied to my husband. Third in line is my obsession with others: what people do and don’t do; why they do it this way, not that way; what they’re really thinking and feeling. I’m also obsessed with the quality of my experience: what I eat; how I dress; the comfort and beauty of the spaces around me. I am a perfectionist who measures everything according to impossible-to-achieve standards and ideals. At my worst, I am an overly harsh critic, but catch me during moments of strength and you’ll experience how nice I make things; how special I treat people by doing what it takes to nurture and love them. I keep a clean and tidy house (stemming from my neurosis), but it’s also cozy, warm, inviting (positive end of the spectrum).
I don’t believe we can have passion without obsession. With a mind and ego that tries to pull me this way, that way, I rely on my obsessions to point out my neuroses and to remind me that I’m human. Passions, on the other hand, come from deep within the being and are part of the fabric of who we are. My passion reminds me that the energy and life force of creation—God—is coming from inside me, and from every other person.